The Gate To My Little Brother's Heart: A True Stoy Of Difficult Choices

00:00:06 Speaker 1 

Welcome to another episode of PEN to PEN when a private chef leaves the kitchen to write a story. Each episode serves a fresh literary treat. Crafted by Tate Basildon, a private chef and memoir author, and I am your host, Curtis Legno. 

00:00:24 Speaker 1 

In today's episode, we bring you a powerful true and personal tale of an encounter between Tate, his father, and his little brother. We explore a poignant story of family sacrifice and the weight of difficult choices in a moment that changed their relationships forever. So take a moment. 

00:00:43 Speaker 1 

Settle in and let's embark on this journey into this mini memoir called The Gate to my Little Brother's Heart. 

00:00:52 Speaker 1 

His vibrant green eyes, a rarity like emeralds avoided mine as he approached the gate. Those eyes had always fascinated me and I couldn't help but envy them. Yearning for a glimpse of their brilliance. 

00:01:05 Speaker 1 

I wish that was the only trade I got from him. 

00:01:09 Speaker 1 

As he shuffled past the pool, the sparkling blue waters mirrored the tropical sun's brilliance, his eyes, an Oasis of radiance, still shone through the blazing sun, revealing a hidden sorrow like a treasure chest concealed beneath a tranquil lake. 

00:01:24 Speaker 1 

Those eyes once graced the popular, handsome face of a muscular, robust swimmer. But now they belong to a different man, a man battling his demons and obese, recovering alcoholic, who struggled to find his place. 

00:01:37 Speaker 1 

What are you doing here? 

00:01:39 Speaker 1 

He asked, approaching the gate to his sprawling White House nestled at the base of a dense tropical rainforest covered mountain. 

00:01:46 Speaker 1 

The absence of a simple greeting left me puzzled. 

00:01:49 Speaker 1 

I'm here to pick up Andre to go to the beach. I replied, stepping aside to allow him to open the gate. 

00:01:55 Speaker 1 

Upon reaching the gate, he showed no intention of opening it, and his annoyance with me was apparent. 

00:02:00 

Andre is in service right now. 

00:02:03 Speaker 1 

All right, I can wait. How much longer? I asked. 

00:02:06 

Would you like to join us? 

00:02:08 Speaker 1 

He asked his hand poised at the gates lock, waiting for my response. I hesitated momentarily, recalling when I reluctantly attended my father's Mormon services held in his living room, struggling to stay awake in the lengthy and monotonous service. No, thank you, I replied, avoiding any reference to him as Dad. 

00:02:28 Speaker 1 

I hadn't called him that in years and had no intention of doing so today. Will he be much longer? 

00:02:34 

Well, if you don't want to join us, Andre can't come with you. 

00:02:37 Speaker 1 

His words hit stinging briefly before fading. 

00:02:40 Speaker 1 

Oh, I said, trying to keep my composure, I called Anna and she said it was. 

00:02:45 Speaker 1 

OK to pick. 

00:02:45 Speaker 1 

Him up? I glanced over my father's shoulder, seeing my little brother at the opposite end of the pool, hope and anticipation gleaming in his eyes. 

00:02:55 Speaker 1 

These beach trips were our only brotherly bonding time as I never visited my father's house other than to pick up Andre for the beach. My mother divorced my father when I was a boy when she found him cheating with my now stepmother. Andre was my half brother, but I never saw him as just half, despite the difference in our ages. 

00:03:14 Speaker 1 

I was 18 and Andre was 7 at the time. 

00:03:18 Speaker 1 

My two older brothers and I had given up on our father, a deadbeat alcoholic, long ago, leaving Andre caught in the crossfire because my brothers did not want anything to do with our father. They had nothing to do with Andre. 

00:03:32 Speaker 1 

I didn't want a relationship with our father, but I desperately wanted one with my little brother. 

00:03:38 Speaker 1 

So are you joining us? 

00:03:40 Speaker 1 

I looked to Andre, his hope fading into disappointment, realizing our father was forcing a choice on me. I never wanted to make, I guess so, I replied hesitantly, giving in to my father's ultimatum for the sake of. 

00:03:52 Speaker 1 

Andre, no guesses. Tate either. You're all in or. 

00:03:55 Speaker 1 

Not what does all in mean. 

00:03:58 

Either you fully commit to the Church of. 

00:03:59 

Latter Day Saints. 

00:04:01 Speaker 1 

Or or what? 

00:04:02 

Or you can't see Andre anymore or me. 

00:04:05 Speaker 1 

I couldn't care less about my father, but losing the chance to see my little brother grow was a pain. I didn't want to bear. 

00:04:11 Speaker 1 

Yet I couldn't embrace a religion forced upon me. I had no belief in I stood at that gate, locked in a battle of wills, gazing into my father's eyes, and then back at my. 

00:04:21 Speaker 1 

Little brother. 

00:04:23 Speaker 1 

No, dad, I can't, I finally said, calling him that for the first time in years, hoping it would soften the man and make him realize that his religion shouldn't stand between his sons. 

00:04:35 Speaker 1 

He hesitated and glanced at Andre, who stood tears brimming. Knowing this decision was about him, the beach and the religion that now separated us. 

00:04:45 Speaker 1 

You sure? My father asked, his expression shifting from disappointment to a sense of betrayal. He smiled, but it was a smile tainted with the bitterness of my decision giving up on joining his religion felt like giving up on him. Yes, I'm sure. I affirmed. He took a deep breath, looked at Andre again, then at me, and closed the gate in my face. 

00:05:07 Speaker 1 

My heart broke as Andre's whale pierced the air. Knowing this might be the last time I'd see him, I questioned my decision, the guilt gnawing at me, hearing Andrea's cries fade as our father dragged him into the house. I wanted to break through that gate to take. 

00:05:21 Speaker 1 

Him to the beach. 

00:05:23 Speaker 1 

I made my way back to the car. The weight of my decision, heavy on my mind. Was it selfish of me to refuse to join the church? 

00:05:32 Speaker 1 

Should I sacrifice myself on the altar of my father's faith for my little brother's sake? 

00:05:37 Speaker 1 

As I sat there, my resolve remained unseen. 

00:05:40 Speaker 1 

Taken it had been a long journey for me, starting from my early years in Catholic schools and culminating now as I had just graduated from high school. The truth was, I was weary of religion, exhausted by its demands and expectations. I had reached a point where I wanted nothing to do with it anymore. 

00:05:59 Speaker 1 

Damn, my father and damn the religion he put above his flesh and blood. 

00:06:05 Speaker 1 

As much as my love for my little brother burned brightly, embracing the Mormon faith was a path I couldn't tread. 

00:06:11 Speaker 1 

I started the car reversed onto the street and embarked on a solitary journey to the beach that day. The following week I gathered my courage and called to inquire about the possibility of taking Andre to the beach. Perhaps my father had had some time to reflect on his decision to keep me separated from my little brother, the only sibling he had ever known. 

00:06:31 Speaker 1 

As I waited anxiously listening to the ringing on the other end of the line, my father's voice finally broke through. 

00:06:37 

If you join the church, you can. 

00:06:38 

See him. 

00:06:40 Speaker 1 

He stated firmly after I asked for Andre to join. 

00:06:43 Speaker 1 

I refused and for weeks and months the cycle repeated. 

00:06:47 Speaker 1 

I dropped by unannounced a few times, but no one appeared at the gate. 

00:06:52 Speaker 1 

The last image I hold in my memory of my little brother is that of a teary eyed child gazing at me, hoping that I would make the ultimate sacrifice for our relationship. 

00:07:01 Speaker 1 

I never saw Andre again after that day, our lines of communication were severed and I was forbidden from ever setting eyes on him. 

00:07:09 Speaker 1 

A few years later, I moved 2000 miles away from my Caribbean childhood home. 

00:07:14 Speaker 1 

My father and Anna's marriage dissolved when he started back drinking, and Andre and Anna moved to an unknown location. My father passed away a few years later, alone, ill and penniless. 

00:07:26 Speaker 1 

After extensive online searches spanning many years, I finally located Andre. He had fully embraced the Mormon faith, living in Utah with his wife and a young child. To him, I appeared to have rejected his religion, and by extension, him. 

00:07:40 Speaker 1 

In his eyes, none of his brothers wanted a relationship with. 

00:07:43 Speaker 1 

Him. I attempted to explain, but the way he saw it I had turned away from his faith rather than toward him forever, severing our bond. Eventually I had to accept that my decision not to join the Church of Latter Day Saints meant that I lost my little brother. Sometimes some decisions have to be made for your happiness, and all choices come with a consequence. 

00:08:02 Speaker 1 

I hope that maybe Andre would like to form a relationship someday, but quite honestly, I am not holding my breath. 

00:08:15 Speaker 1 

As we conclude this episode of Panda Pen, we've witnessed A poignant and deeply personal story where in the face of an ultimatum, Tate made a difficult choice to remain true to himself even when losing precious moments with his brother. 

00:08:29 Speaker 1 

This story reminds us that life is filled with choices that sometimes aren't easy. It prompts us to reflect on our sacrifices for our beliefs and the bonds we hold dear. 

00:08:39 Speaker 1 

Tates unwavering decision raises A profound question. What are we willing to give up to stay true to ourselves? 

00:08:46 Speaker 1 

As we navigate the complexities of our lives, may we find the strength to make choices that align with our values, even when they lead to heartache and in the echoes of Tate and Andrea's poignant separation, let us remember that every choice we make carries a weight that shapes our destiny. 

00:09:03 Speaker 1 

Thank you for joining us on this episode of PEN to Pen. We're committed to keeping this podcast ad free to ensure your listening experience remains undeterred. 

00:09:12 Speaker 1 

Scripted however, producing a podcast like this demands significant resources. If you enjoy what you hear and want to support us, please consider visiting the link in the show notes. Your contributions will help us continue to bring you captivating stories free of interruptions. Thank you for being a part of the PAN to Pan Community. If you haven't done so already. 

00:09:32 Speaker 1 

Please subscribe rate and follow us also share this podcast with your friends and family. If you enjoyed this story or have any comments, you can find us on social media and Tates website which are listed in the show notes. We would love to hear from you. 

00:09:47 Speaker 1 

Thanks for tuning in wishing you all the best. Until we meet again. And remember stories never end. They just take a break. 

00:09:54 Speaker 1 

Until next time, keep the tails alive, pan to Pan where a chef explores storytelling beyond the kitchen is written, produced and edited by Tate Basildon, who holds. 

00:10:06 Speaker 1 

The copyright herein.